


After the Loving, I'm Still In Love With You

by HoltzLightSpecial



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: AU, BUT ALSO HAPPY, F/F, Fluff, Happy Birthday Ghostbusters, Happy Birthday!, Holtzbert - Freeform, Sad, Some angst, but mostly love, discussions, meta af, some tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:46:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoltzLightSpecial/pseuds/HoltzLightSpecial
Summary: Erin and Holtz contemplate their place in the universe in this meta AF one-shot released for the anniversary of Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016).





	After the Loving, I'm Still In Love With You

Erin Gilbert and Jillian Holtzmann were currently lounging in two beach chairs on the roof of the Ghostbusters' firehouse. The sun had set a few hours ago and they were just chatting to pass the time, holding hands and exchanging kisses every now and then. It was just a casual night under the stars. Or at least, the night sky, since you don't really get stars in New York.

 

"And then he's just dancing around all sloppy, but he thinks he's really a champion dancer!" Holtz guffawed. Erin giggled profusely at the conclusion of Holtz's latest Tumblr story. "Be nice!" Erin gently swatted Holtz's shoulder.

 

They went on like this for a few more hours before they ultimately rolled on their backs, looking up at the night sky.

 

"Baby?"

 

"Yes, Er?"

 

"You ever wonder what's out there?"

 

"Fireflies."

 

"Oh my god.."

 

"Fireflies that got stuck up in that... big, bluish black thing!"

 

"Geez..."

 

"No, you're supposed to say 'Oh, gee!'" Holtz pouted.

 

"You are too much, Dr. Hotzmann." Erin sighed.

 

"Apparently not.." Holtz grinned, causing Erin to roll her eyes. "But to answer your question, sure I wonder." Holtz's more playful tone of voice gradually began to fade away.

 

"I mean, what if we could fly in the galaxy, and all? What if we could find the edge of the universe?"

 

Erin thought about it. "And what if we could go on the other side?"

 

"Yeah!" Holtz mused. "Like is each universe out there next to each other in a bookshelf? And if so, are we in there somehow?"

 

"I mean... if it was an alternate universe, we should be, right?" Erin asked.

 

"Yep. But would we still be us out there?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean.. would we still.. you know, be us?" Holtz emphasized the word 'us' with a twinge of something like anxiety in her voice.

 

"I mean, for all we know, there probably is an alternate universe out there where we never.." Holtz hesitated.

 

Erin rolled on her side to face Holtz. "Where we never got together?" She asked softly.

 

Holtz rolled over too, and nodded slowly.

 

"I mean.. already, all of this," Holtz waved out around them, "is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. Carl Sagan, you know?"

 

"I remember," Erin murmured, recalling the Pale Blue Dot.

 

"But thinking about how there could be so many universes out there where you didn't find me... really makes you feel small.." Holtz lamented.

 

"Or what if there's a universe out there where we're in a band together?" Erin suggested, hoping to steer the conversation away from where it was going.

 

"Oh yeah! Now that would be rad, of course." Holtz grinned. "Or like we're a pair of comedians like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler?"

 

"Yeah!" Erin smiled. "Or we're superheroes! Or Autobots!"

 

"Autobots separated from each other across the Stars..."

 

Erin had yet another concerned look as Holtz once again began thinking of the worst.

 

"Babe?"

 

"I'm sorry Erin," Holtz groaned, "it's just... I mean it's crazy to think that out there, there's a Jillian Holtzmann who didn't get to be with Erin Gilbert. Or she lost her before she could make her move. Or maybe there was an accident. Or maybe right now, there's an old version of us on their deathbeds in the hospital, after spending 60 years together."

 

Erin felt something begin to yank at her throat. They'd been dating for over a year now, but this was the first time either of them had really brought up being together that long.. and being together like that..

 

"I mean, what if out there we were both in our 80's and our time was almost up, but you went before me? And I'd just have to wait a decade or something to see you again?" Holtz frowned, a little catch in her throat too. "And for that Erin and Holtzmann, that was it? There was no do-over, no extra lives, no Futurama where they could go back and fall in love all over again?"

 

Finally, the waterworks were starting.

 

"I'm just.. Erin.." Holtz was gripping Erin's hand while looking up at the sky. "It scares me to death that out there, there could be a billion universes where I don't meet you. Or where I break your heart and you never want to see me again. Or where you marry some other guy or girl or whoever and I'm just all alone. Or where one of us dies and leaves the other all alone."

 

Holtz took a big sob. "I don't want to be without you, Erin.."

 

"Jillian," Erin murmured quietly.

 

Holtz turned to her girlfriend, her face already red and splotchy. She was trembling, but she was slightly frozen to see tears running down Erin's face too, even though she had heard the catch in her throat.

 

"I'm so sorry, Erin.." Holtz cried. 

 

Erin responded by climbing into Holtz's chair and wrapping her arms around her body, one of her hands taking up a position around her head so she could stroke her blonde curls.

 

"Do you think about this all the time?" Erin asked quietly.

 

"Not all-not all the time, no." Holtz admitted. "But I usually have to have a good cry when I do."

 

"Shhh", Erin shushed Holtz. She planted a slow, steady kiss on Holtz's lips, making sure it was gentle, kind, and as reassuring as possible. Then she placed another one on Holtz's forehead and pulled her in closer.

 

"It's okay, baby. It really is. I've got you."

 

Holtz whimpered as she held Erin a little tighter. She never wanted to be let go.

 

After probably 20 minutes of Holtz sniffling and Erin gently caressing her, Erin spoke up.

 

"You know you're probably right. There probably are a billion universes out there where we don't find each other, or run out of time," Erin said quietly.

 

Normally this would make Holtz break out into another fit of sobs, but instead she just quietly wept.

 

"But you know what? You were definitely right that no matter what universe or reality or whatever that we're living in, we don't get a do-over. This is it. And Holtz, I have you. You have me. Despite all odds we _did_ find each other. We _did_ get to save each other, and out of all the odds out there, we _are_ together."

 

"And Holtz?" Erin asked, suddenly sounding a little hesitant.

 

Holtz looked up to meet her girlfriend's eyes.

 

"I _do_ want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is how I want this, well, universe to go. With you, and only with you."

 

Holtz processed that and every possible meaning to it and this time, let out a happy sob.

 

"I love you so much, Erin." Holtz grinned through her tears.

 

"And I love you, Holtz," Erin smiled back. And they kissed again. A few minutes passed, and Holtz ended up putting on the DeBarge song that helped start it all for them. It helped, to say the least.

 

And somewhere out there, in the vast expanse of the multiverse, omniverse, whatever you wanted to call it, there were indeed a billion realities where Erin and Holtzmann never met, or some terrible accident cut short their lives together, or they just couldn't make it work. There were many universes where Erin fell in love with and married Abby, or Holtz with Patty, or Abby, or Patty with Erin, or hell even Abby with Kevin. All of them equally valid, all of them just as real as the next, and all of them just as loving as the next.

 

But even though all this was happening in whatever library of universes out there, in this particular universe, where Erin and Holtzmann were cuddling under the so-called stars of New York City - underneath the electric stars - they knew they'd be doing fine once the music started.

**Author's Note:**

> Well then.
> 
> It's been one whole year since this incredible movie came out. Since we were introduced to Erin, Abby, Patty, Holtz, Kevin, Jennifer, and the rest. It's been one whole year since we first saw Holtzmann dance her socks off to seduce Erin in that rusty old lab.
> 
> I didn't get to see Ghostbusters until my birthday in August and man did I fall in love with these wonderful, badass characters. They immediately found a place in my heart, and it pains me whenever I have to walk away from DVD copies of the movie in the store (despite already owning the movie). Holtzbert especially came to mean more to me than I could've ever imagined.
> 
> Ghostbusters has really become a big part of all our lives. For me, it's a source of bottomless happiness and joy. It comforted me so much in the past year, especially as I reeled from the absolute horror of what happened on November 8th, 2016. The movie of course has problems. Some editing seems weird. Some plots don't get to go anywhere. Some interesting ideas aren't used. The studio didn't let them openly state Holtzmann is a lesbian. But in the end it's still just simply a fun movie with the most lovable characters. It means the world to me. "Rhythm of the Night" in particular really helped me cope with the end of 2016, and before the new year arrived, kinda reassured me that even though dark times are ahead, it would be alright in the end.
> 
> A few months back a relative passed away and left behind his widow, while recently my great-aunt and uncle celebrated their fiftieth anniversary. It really got me thinking about things. How there isn't a do-over. How my dear great-aunt had her happy life with her husband, and now just has to wait to see him again. How my other great-aunt and uncle have enjoyed fifty years together and probably have a decade or so left together. It made me realize that I mean, I'm not gonna get any younger. I only have one life. You only have one life. 
> 
> And out in all the AU's, whatever happened to Erin and Holtz in them, that was it. If Erin died of cancer, that was it for that universe. Holtz would have to live the rest of her life alone. If Erin or Holtz found someone else and married them and all, that was it. They'd have to spend the rest of their lives away from each other, if they ever even met. That was it.
> 
> Every ship is valid, every pairing is valid. I address that flat out towards the end. I know there's a lot of hate for Holtzbert with accusations of racism among other things. I think those accusations are bullshit, but I do address it.
> 
> Man, this is a really rambling end note, isn't it?
> 
> Well, to finish things, I want to say happy birthday to this wonderful, wonderful movie. Happy birthday to these wonderful, lovable characters. Thank you to Paul Feig, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy, and Chris Hemsworth for helping bring this wonderful slice of perfect life to us. Thank you to all the amazing writers out there who have helped this fandom thrive in the face of adversity the past year.
> 
> And thank you, dear reader.
> 
> *"Rhythm of the Night" slowly fades out*


End file.
